Fragments of Nostalgia
by FiendisHSerapH
Summary: *YUHYAxLILICA FIC* "The usual habit I do for one thousand ninety-five nights of you haunting me." *REVIEWS!!!*


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AUTHOR'S NOTES: After such long delays (due to school as usual ^^) here's my YuhyaxLilica ficcie! It's a songfic based from Evanescence's "My Immortal" and it's all in Lilica's POV. This ensued after Kouya turned angry at her because she didn't tell him the truth about U-YA (I'm sure you know that ^^) So to continue, GO ON…  
**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Crush Gear and the song My Immortal, okay?

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FRAGMENTS OF NOSTALGIA   
A CGT song fanfiction by FiendisHSerapH

"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all of my childish fears"   
I am really fed up. Why does everything that I do turned out to be very wrong? I really think that I don't have enough potential to manage this club just like you did three years ago. I am all so fearful and cowardly, unlike you who manages this club bravely and had made them all follow your commands. It seems to me that they never pay attention to me; I think this club would be way better if I've let them govern themselves.   
Without me… without a cowardly girl named Lilica Tobita.   
I am so tired, Yuhya, very tired. I did all I could yet I seem to fail everything I lay my hands on.   
If you are here, Yuhya… I call you… Hear me…   
But you are not, and you will never come back.   
You will never… because you passed away.   
**"But if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave."**   
But no, for I know that I am never alone, because I feel you near me. I feel your spirit watching all of us in each and every competition that we've been onto. You're still the great and guiding manager of this group, and that fact would never change, even by me.   
And besides, there's still your little brother in this group, Kouya, although he hates me now so much for keeping the truth, the truth about your kindness over that kid named Carlos, in the depths of the shadows.   
And that is why your presence still haunts me. But to tell you, this raw fact hurts me even more…   
Yuhya, I just want you to rest yourself in peace, for I am still being bothered and lost in senses by you. Because the more you linger, the more it hurts.   
For the fact that you. Your raw self would never come back to me, a girl who had adored you all the way. **  
"These wounds won't seem to heal, the pain is just too real." **  
The wounds that your departure had caused me… they left deep marks in my spirit that I think eternity itself couldn't heal. Those scars in my being left my confidence to shatter like crystalline hopes.   
For it have been you, Yuhya. You are the person who had kept my spirit and my confidence high. You have been the one who had helped me so much. You have been my inspiration. You've served as the windbreaker for m within the storm. You made my self-being come back together. You… you have given me hope… you've given me too many things more than I could tell.   
That's the fullness you've caused me. But now since you've been gone, I know these things would never come back to me… never again.   
You departure alone had brought me so much loneliness and the incompleteness that wrecked my being. And now, the storm is back, way more powerful than before… and it shatters the whole of me. I am once again the frail girl without any windbreaker within the storm.   
I am in for one more episode of melancholia tonight just like I usually do for the past one thousand ninety-five ones… **  
"You used to captivate me by your resonating light, now I am bounded by the life you left behind."**   
The light that surrounds your being, it's way more contagious than any other being's that I have known in my whole life. I recall the times when you train other gear fighters and the times you encourage them and give all your support. I remember the times you train yourself and many kids are enjoying gear fights with you. And I am just there on a corner, seemingly helpless and useless for you.   
Sometimes I just can't believe that three years later, that helpless girl at one corner would become that team's manager… yet she is still helpless and useless to her team.   
You've left me this authority, Yuhya, though you know that I couldn't do anything. Then, why did you?   
But no, what can I do? I am here, and I am running every little dream and ambition that you left behind. I doubt myself for I know that I wouldn't be an effective leader to them like you have been. **  
"Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it shakes away all of the sanity in me."**   
Last night, I just remembered that I saw you on my dream, and that dream just made me cry as soon as I woke up from it for I can't stand the fact that you're only a dream and reality is the world I step onto. Sometimes, Yuhya, I hear your voice. No kidding, your voice reverberates in my head, carrying those words of wisdom that I tried to live up on my life yet just can't. I find myself stunned over those words and the instance that I have wasted to apply it just because of my frailty. It's you, Yuhya; you are the element that's missing in my life. You are way out there… in a world million miles away from me, in a parallel universe where you won't have to experience the pain and loneliness of missing somebody, just like the way I am doing now over you. **  
"You cried I wipe way all of your tears. You screamed I'd wipe away all of your fears. I held your hand through all of these years…"**   
I know you are strong and very brave for you've always been there for me. I remember the time when you offered me your handkerchief to me for I lost mine when I cried. You've encouraged me to go on with my life and to never lose hope. You have been my shining light and you have showed me to the right way as we grow up together. Memories… these memories were the ones I hold close to me, for they are the ones of you, Yuhya… my source of inspiration and the reason why I hold on to dear life. Now I can conclude that… **  
"There's just too much that time cannot erase…"**   
These memories were written with permanent ink and rubbing rubber erasers on it won't easily erase it. Your memories were written deep inside my heart and my soul … it will never waste away, for you have been such a special person to me. **  
"I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me I've been alone all along."**   
But these memories were just things I feed myself to assuage myself over your loss. They were just mind-driven fantasies and events… yes, they happened, but they will never ever happen again. I live by your memory that causes my madness to slash deep in my fragile heart even more.   
I try to reprimand myself of thinking, but I am still driven mad. I imagine that you'll live even though you'll not. I chase what I call your shadow even though it's really my own.   
I think I have wake up from the dream and accept the harsh realities but then… **  
"You cried I wipe way all of your tears. You screamed I'd wipe away all of your fears. I held your hand through all of these years…"**   
I can't seem to resist you… **  
"You still had all of me…" **  
Will this melancholia end… **  
"All of me." **  
…If you are still with me? **  
FOOTNOTES: **Pretty angsty fic I had there, ne? ^^; As I have been labeled, I am the Angst Fic queen, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! *laughs out loud* I disarranged some lines of the song to get the right chronology, so forgive me for that. Anyway, I need your reviews, so there, post it on the next page! Thanks and have a nice day.


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